Existentialism and parenting, part 3

I had an odd thought today.

One of my kindergarten classes--Pluto--is particularly difficult. There are several hyperactive and attention deficit children, about four troublemakers, two others who cannot handle the troublemakers in a remotely appropriate manner, and a couple hard working smart kids (who make it difficult because without the we could just move at a slower pace). About five minutes into that class today a shy little girl named Tiffany started crying and didn't stop. I did my best to comfort her while corralling the others and trying to get them all to understand and do math problems. After the class I sat in the hall with Tiffany for about fifteen minutes with her sitting in my lap crying into my shoulder while I hugged her (a Korean teacher managed to get her to say what was wrong in Korean, and it turns out one of the boys had done something to her, but by this point--an hour later--she actually didn't remember the particular cause). While her little hand held my finger I realized that she really was comforted by my sitting with her, hugging her, and rubbing her back. I also had the odd thought that I would be a pretty good dad.

Here's the flip side of the problems existentialist beliefs cause for parenting: my nihilistic world view actually gives me qualities that are good in a parent. I have gained incredible patience; I don't let things frustrate me anymore and I try to enjoy every moment of my life regardless of my circumstances, so instead of getting impatient or bored I was able to calmly just be there for a child when she needed it. When you don't think anything matters it also means you don't get angry about people 'wasting' your 'precious' time that could be used to do 'worthwhile' things. Also, I have become infinitely more understanding of other people in the last few years. Other people still baffle me in many respects, but I have come to accept that and to understand to some degree. When I believed in objectivity I thought that there was a right way and wrong way to act, and even a right way and wrong way to think about things and value things. Now that I have come to view other value systems as legitimate (i.e. not wrong), I am much better at seeing things from other people's perspectives, which both helps me not get frustrated with them for being 'irrational', and to better understand what they really want and why.

I still don't think I'm a very good teacher because I'm not very good at managing the children as a group and balancing their various skill levels and needs, but I'm very good with them one on one. I'm less patient when they are in groups because it bothers me that they are disrupting the studies of others (something I always hated in public school), but I can deal with even the most difficult kids on an individual basis, which again, makes me think I'd be a pretty good father, assuming of course I didn't end up with septuplets or some hideous litter like that. Working with children, my increasing distance from actually being a child, and my nihilism have all made me change my feelings on having children from sheer horror to ambivalence, which is really a huge turn around if you think about it.

On a tangentially related note, I have learned a Korean sentence that I look forward to using with every missionary that knocks on my door or tries to force literature into my hand as I wait for the crosswalk light to change: "Jeonuen mooshinronja-imnida," that is, "I am a nihilist."